You can save that story for later.

I somewhat recently spent two hours on the phone with a man I’d just met via chat. We had a lot in common. But at least 30 minutes were devoted to the story of how he’d slept with his girlfriend’s best friend.

It got complicated. There was a baby involved. He didn’t have a baby. I don’t know whose baby.

I was trying to follow along. But somewhere in the middle I thought: I barely know you. And now I’m getting to know several other people.

Here’s the thing. I would have been perfectly comfortable having that conversation later. We all have a past. Things happen. Life gets complicated.

But we had just met.

When a conversation feels comfortable, it’s easy to share more than you planned. I get it. You want her to know who you are. I’m guilty too.

But you can save that story for later.

Tell her what makes you laugh. What you’re looking forward to. What you could happily spend a Saturday afternoon doing. Find out those things about her, too. There’s some fun to be had here.

Personal stories land differently once someone knows you. She has context. She knows your humor. You’ve had time to get comfortable with each other.

Be honest. Answer her questions. But your whole story doesn’t need to be in your first conversation.

Leave yourself something to tell her on the next date. Before making her figure out whose baby that is.